Deadpool the Third
by Jacob Scott02
Summary: "He's in to be an Avenger." Deadpool may be fixing timelines, but he's also uniting a universe.
1. A Big, Long Prologue: Save Scott Summers

*brrm brrm brrm brrm brrrrrrrrrrrbrmmbrmm*

Da da da

dadadadadadadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

20th Century Pool

A Walt Disney Company???

So, how did I get to the opening logo? Time travel! *If I could turn back time If I could find a way*

The year was 2018 and I was on top of the world. This merc siphoned off of Star Wars he was so popular and after Cable said he wasn't evil, all I did was get Negasonic and Yukio to rebuild his time machine and now I'm changing the world. Let's look at the list.

DEADPOOL'S LIST:

Save Vanessa (check)

Destroy Weapon XI (check)

Kill Ryan Reynolds (check)

Save Cyclops in X-Men: The Last Stand

Well, I'm going back to 2006.

WESTCHESTER, NY (Canada)

Wow, it sure feels 2006 in here. Because it's not as good as 2007.

[A group of students leave Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters]

Hi. Just passing through.

Hi, red suit man.

Logan!

Should I know you?

Yeah, we met in 1979 and my mouth was shut, but real me shot and killed him.

No, you were a Halloween costume in '04 back down under. Nice talk.

Yeah. What a distraction.

[Cyclops cries in his bedroom]

Knock knock

Who's there?

Santa Clause.

Santa Clause who?

Santa Clause 2 was mediocre, it's Deadpool!

Listen, I understand why you are the way you are. You want to cheer me up. But I'm going to get Jean back.

But, Cyclops, if you die, the world will never be the same.

Really? Tell that to Fox.

I'm serious.

You just said you were Deadpool.

You're funny. You're funny.

Please, don't go.

[Professor X enters] He's right.

Deadpool cares about you. I care about you. Scott, it's time to get ready.

[Deadpool leaves]

Another life saved. Well, time to get back to my timeline and-

Wait! [Wanda Maximoff enters] Red man, who are you?

I am Deadpool and I'm fixing the timeline. You?

I am Wanda Maximoff. I'm here to see Charles Xavier.


	2. Connections Emerge (And Opening Credits)

Connections Emerge

So, you're Wanda.

I'm taking you to see the Professor.

[Deadpool enters Xavier's office]

Hey, Chuck. New mutant here. Her name is Wanda Maximoff.

Wanda, what can you do?

[Deadpool leaves the room]

Let's see what's on.

[On TV]

We're live at the Apogee Awards in Las Vegas at Caesars Palace. We are waiting for our honoree, Tony Stark. And here he is now.

[Back to couch]

Tony Stark? Am I supposed to know about him?

[On TV]

Is it better to be feared or respected? Why not both?

[TV channels change]

Three years since Dr. Bruce Banner escaped to Brazil...

Stephen Strange is credited with the...

A fourteenth expedition to find the frozen body of Captain America is underway...

[Back to couch]

Who's responsible for this?

[Deadpool activates the time machine for present day]

Ah... back home.

[Deadpool enters X-Mansion]

Deadpool!

Oh, no. It's Cable.

You went around messing with time. It's fine to kill Weapon XI, but not to open a multidimensional rift. How much power does it have left?

Uh...

You know, Wade. I'm not even going to try. I'm putting this in a safe, secret space.

[Cable puts his device beneath the X-Mansion]

[A small snap is heard]

What was that?

[Cable vanishes]

[Back to Deadpool lounging]

Wade, I heard what was going on. What Nathan is doing is right. Come with me. We're going downstairs.

[Both Deadpool and Colossus find dust]

Huh?

I'm getting the broom.

Nathan! Nathan!

What?

He's dead. Must... not... [Colossus sobs]

Colossus, come with me. It's okay to cry, the Professor does it all the time according to TV Tropes.

[Negasonic and Yukio enter the scene and run to hug Colossus and Deadpool, both terrified after what just happened]

**And now, the Opening Credits**

20th Century Fox Presents

A Marvel Entertainment Production

Some Fat Teen's Fanfiction

Starring

Try to Read Me in Ryan Reynolds's Voice

Fire Down Under

Van from Atlanta, my 3rd-favorite show

A Positive and Smart Depiction of a Lesbian Duo, good on you, Brianna

A Cut Cord

A Redeemed Actor

Benedict Cumsinbuckets

Best Olsen Sister

Johnny Storm

and a lot of others

Not Starring

Vanessa

Especially Not Starring

That Damn Transphobic Piece of Shit

Written by The Real Anti-Heroes Here

Produced by Not Tom Rothman

Directed by That Guy Who's Writing the Fanfiction About Movie Studio Mascots... What the Shit?


	3. Five Years Later

Five Years Later

[Dark and brooding landscapes of the X-Mansion]

As the caption said, it's been five years.

It turns out other mutants died from the snap. If you were curious, nothing from Days of Future Past applies. That was only a movie. This is real life. The other dead mutants were Firefist and Domino. We didn't even know where they were. And I'm Deathpool. Bent on getting revenge for the snapping of Cable.

[Fantasy flashes out, Dopinder enters]

DP!

Dopinder! The snap has affected everything and you need to get over it. My favorite actor, Tom Cruise was snapped, as was my favorite animal, the Bengal Tiger.

Here's my stop.

[Deadpool re-enters Sister Margaret's]

Hey, Deadpool.

Hey, Buck.

I need to give you some advice. Focus on the good of life.

But why are you here?

I'm leaving. Going to protect children.

Okay. Bye, Buck.

[Buck leaves]

Now who runs this place?

[Rob enters]

I do!

Rob?

I'll order a small leg.

That'll be $19.91.

Hey, aren't we in Canada?

[Back to the X-Mansion]

Hey, Douchepool!

Hi, Wade! I think you need some cheering up.

Whatever you do, don't show Turbo starring the late Jason Ritter.

[Doorbell rings]

Hey, who's that? Better not be Tom.

Wade, I'm Scott. The Avengers sent me.

Cap would never want me.

Natasha wants you. Your invulnerability could prove useful in the eventual fight against Thanos. Here's the number.

NUMBER: 555-4465

That's a fake number! Stop scamming me.

If I was scamming you, I'd not be taking you to the car. Now!

[In the car]

How long's the drive?

35 minutes.

Can I play the music?

No.

Are we there yet?

That's really immature.

This is why nobody likes mutants.

Your loss.

I'm gonna sto-

*Wade thinks*

I shouldn't stop. Remember the last time?

I'm just gonna turn the dial to 99.2 WLOVE to 2003 Hip-Hop Classics

*X gon give it to ya

What?

... that, ya need to get it on yo own

X gon deliver to ya*

[Scott pulls up next to Tony]

[Bad Reputation plays in Tony's car]

I get it!

Don't explain the joke, kid.

[Tony shuts off radio]

So, who wants to look at our facilities?


	4. Avenger in Training

Avenger in Training

[Inside Avengers HQ]

Welcome, what's your name?

Wilson. Wade Wilson.

Someone reccommended you to us because of your healing factor. In order to test that, I'll put on the Hulkbuster.

[Tony puts on suit]

Fire.

[The bullets shoot Deadpool completely]

[The smoke clears and Deadpool's body reforms]

Impressive. Like, wow.

I am invinciball!

[Natasha enters]

How about actual fighting?

Good luck, Degrassi.

[Natasha and Wade put up of a fight only for Wade to get his bones shattered]

Ow! Ow! [groans in pain]

[It takes Wade a while to get back up]

[Scott enters]

I'm off to New Asgard to find Thor. I'll be back later.

When do I get to saving people? Oh, that's right. Not a lot of human element.

[Tony, Natasha, and Wade leave the room] I haven't seen all the movies. Only Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, The Avengers, and Age of Ultron.

[Now out of the room

Age of Ultron?

Yes. It was when...

[Flashback to the Deadpool movies, scenes include the first meeting, first date, Lent, last night of Vanessa's life]

I was in love with a woman. N-named Vanessa. We were on a date and we saw this movie. It wasn't very good.

Aw, shit! You're on Cap's side too?

Not that it's a bad thing, but...

Wade, Cap and I had a real falling-out about the Sokovia Accords. I hated his guts because my father-

Blah, blah, blah.

What?

Look at them. They know what's going on and you're explaining it in the lamest way possible.

Then why-

Just because I haven't seen them doesn't mean they haven't seen them.

Hey, boys. I'm going to Tokyo.

Why?

Someone named Ronin.


End file.
